The Earth does not stand still. My life doesn't even stand still. I have cancer, but am still waiting for answers. I have lab results in MyChart, still waiting for the Dr to tell me what they mean. I have PET Scan results, still waiting for them to be explained. I have had these results for a week. I see the oncologist Thursday. Today is Tuesday. I know some things. Again, too much information is sometimes too much. But, I'm still working. I still have a family to take care of, and I still don't know if my vacation is going to happen.
I am tough, strong, capable. And, sometimes I crack. Usually, it is at the most unexpected moments. Like at work when our Bakery Manager, who has known us for years, says how are you? Or Mother's Day when people who used to work with me brought me roses. Or when I got a message about my appointment with Dr. Nk...my oncologist, but I was in the middle of something and forgot that I have cancer. Like a splash of cold water I am reminded that I need answers. I am reminded that the Earth keeps turning, life is going on around me, and I am still in a holding pattern.
I have begun taking time every day to sit in or by the pool and to relax in the hammock. I am using this time to breathe, to let God's breezes blow over my skin and soothe me, and allow the sun to warm me. I feel enveloped in God's love. I can't explain it, but I listen to the wind blowing through the trees, I listen to the birds and my chickens, the donkey in the back, the planes overhead, and everything just fades away.
I am going to get to the other side of this adventure a stronger, better person. Maybe God is trying to teach me to care for me. To stop and just be - even if for only a brief time every day. Maybe that's something we should all be doing.
Keep breathing. Be blessed and be a blessing.
Love Crazy Lady