Did it. Drove to Memorial Regional today for my COVID-19 test (pre-procedure requirement). No point in anyone going with me, can't go in with people. After praying halfway there, I called my mom. We talked until I had to get off the phone because I could not figure out where to park - really, drove around 2 times before asking for help.
After checking in, I was taken immediately to my nurse, Jennifer, who was so kind, and fast, and thorough. Can I just say - YUCK. My nose ran, my eyes teared up, so much fun for someone who already has sinus issues! Then she told me the following:
If I get a phone call tomorrow, I'm positive.
If I don't get a phone call tomorrow, I'm negative.
I will get a phone call Monday, between 3pm-5pm telling me what time my endoscopic ultrasound and biopsy will be.
Can I tell you what is wrong with this picture? Having a plan makes things smoother. Having dates and times helps keep things in proper focus. COVID is making everyone in positions like this be in a constant state of standby. Nothing can be solidified until the COVID test results are verified. That means that Steve and Meghan, who will be taking me Tuesday, cannot plan their day until Monday evening. And, on top of everything else, I feel like I'm being tossed around in the ocean. All I can do is take it one day at a time. PERIOD. I can literally do NOTHING else.
Insert FAITH. Along comes God, and He says, walk by FAITH not by sight. You are not alone. He is the ONLY thing I will be able to walk into that hospital with on Tuesday. Not my husband, not my parents, not my kids, just me and God. And guess what, that HAS to be enough.
Not everyone has the opportunity to lean on God to such an extent. We have support systems, friends, loved ones, prayer warriors. We have religious leaders, best friends, medical personnel, Google. Everything we need to know is at the tip of our fingers. More information than we should have access to - I know this to be fact. I know more about my pancreas than I want to know. I have people praying for me around the country. Roxanne prayed over me on the phone today. Terista helps me break down all the medical information, makes me laugh, lets me cry. Debbie is my Debbie Upper, my sister in law, (play on the whole Debbie Downer phrase). She calls me or texts me every day to see how I am. My mom is my mom, ready to talk or listen and willing to do whatever I need. Carri is my little sister/cousin who found out and called me telling me she needed to know everything before she started freaking out (and this chick, she's a warrior, and she is one of MY people. Dyanne, one of my fiercest prayer warriors, seriously. We've helped each other through stuff. She is my cousin in law, my professor, my friend, and she has been through so much, but, I am blessed to call her one of my people, too. There are so many more that I'm blessed to have in my corner, there just isn't enough room to count them all.
Edible Arrangement from Roxanne (to sweeten my day). Meghan's coworker made us a bunch of face masks after the pandemic began. Wrist band - step one - DONE.
So, you see, I have support. I have love. I have people. But on Tuesday, I have God. Ultimately, that's all we need. That IS enough. He wants us to rely on Him. To give Him the glory through the good stuff, and the bad. Here I am. 3 days to go. He is my ultimate. My everything. My life is in His hands. The results are already known. He created me. I am His.