Updated: Sep 26, 2021
Monday, August 23, began the prepping. Coffee without creamer - check. Gatorade and jello for breakfast - check, check. Pedicure and eyebrows waxed (hey, you've gotta look good) - check, check, check.
Getting in the car after my pedicure the surgeon's office calls. My surgery was cancelled by the hospital. There are no available beds - too many COVID patients. What? I've made arrangements for Alex, I've made arrangements for work and am beginning FMLA. NOW what? Are we talking months, weeks, what do I tell them at work? Do I go back? My nurse says she will call me back with answers.
I want off this roller coaster. I was mentally prepared, I had all the key people in place. There were more plans made around this than anything in my life. Cue the tears. Cue the anger. Make the calls. And wait...
3:15 pm, my nurse calls back. Dr. Merchant was able to work it out with the hospital and surgery was rescheduled for Monday, August 30. I'll need another COVID test - yay! That was fun, can't wait to do it again - especially since they made me self administer.
So, I'm kind of planning, kind of holding my breath. And then I wonder and worry - what's it going to be like in the hospital? I can't speculate. I have to go with it. I have to trust that this is all part of God's plan. He's got this. He's got me. He knows best.
My pancreatic cancer was found during a pandemic. Not ideal. This is where my faith really kicks in. This is where I have to trust. Let go and let God do His thing.
My Great Grandma, Ma, always had this saying in her kitchen. I read it and read it as a child, but over the years I cling to the truth of the words:
God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I cannot change the circumstances I find myself in, so I will accept them, accept that I am a child of God, and allow His peace to flow over and through me.
But, on another note, look what Steve got me for Natasha...what a sweet gift, and it came Monday evening. A sweet spot on a tough day! Look for that silver lining. Focus on the good stuff. Because, let's be real, the good stuff is ALL that matters!
Twists and turns, ups and downs, embrace the crazy and be blessed!
Thanks for being a part of my journey! CrazyLady 💜